Holy Discontent



Been a few days since I blogged. Emotionally I couldn't bring myself to blog. Too much weight on my heart and God was still speaking. Needed to be still and listen.

Friday was a real rollercoaster.

We went to the school and I cannot describe the joy that filled my heart. The kids are full of joy and so eager to know you. Christ could not have placed me in a better place to just love! Being a kid at heart I had so looked forward to this day.

We brought so much school supplies and they were so needed. As we sorted the supplies and organized them there were little smiling faces in the doorways waiting. Some introduced themselves eagerly. Others were a little shy. (I love them, by the way!) My smile opened the door to their hearts and my hands loved on them. Touch seemed to be what their hearts needed and I held hands, hugged and poked every kid I could.

Made me feel like a kid again myself.

We had missed out in attending church on Thursday because of Pastor Diego's conference in another town but we were blessed this day when the fifth graders sang several Christian songs to us in English. They did it in the courtyard and we all sang together and worshiped this Mighty and Gracious God who is tying our hearts to these beautiful people. Every time I looked one of them in the eyes while they sang I would get the biggest smile. I wonder how big Jesus was smiling in that moment?

Our next event was passing out candy to all the kids in their classrooms. How fun is that! Bags of candy! Kids are the same all over the world. They love being made special and they love gifts. God has given us such a gift in little kids. Even though they aren't my kids, in these moments I loved them as though they were.

I miss my kids. Thankyou Lord for them!

There was a boy there that I connected to right away. His name was Elias. He and his friends quickly introduced themselves and after that it was like he was my little brother. He had asked me if he could have my UW hat but in Spanish so I just thought he wanted to wear it and so I stuck it on his head. He smiled really big then one of the interpreters, Cesar asked if I had given it to him. I hadn't but oh well, right? I said it was okay but a little while later he came back and stuck it back on my head. School let out and all the kids started to go home but as we prayed with Pastor Diego, Elias and some of the other kids hung around. He walked with me to the bus and while standing near the street he told Cesar to tell me he had lost both his parents in the mudslide five years ago. My heart broke. I hugged him and told him how sorry I was then told him that my dad had left when I was little and I never knew him. I got down at eye level and I told him we have a Father in heaven as I pointed to the sky who loves us more than anything!

We both smiled and hugged and I asked Cesar to tell him that I love him like my brother. I put my hand on my heart then patted his heart with my hand and gave him the biggest hug.

Tough to leave.

Later that day I knew Ruth Anne, Barrett and Gloria were going to meet with Pastor Diego so I gave them another UW hat that was almost new to give to Elias and because of the stretchy back would fit him better. What joy when they returned and gave me the hat back because we were going to Panabaj where the mudslide had occured and I could give it to Elias myself. Ain't God good! God is good all the time, all the time God is good!

We got to Panabaj and you never saw a more happier boy then Elias when I put that new hat on his head. He could not have hugged me harder and that is a feeling deep down in my heart I will never forget.

I love that kid!

Pastor Diego told me he had a nickname because he had survived the mudslide when so many kids didn't and he has the scars to prove it. What's the nickname?.......Rambo! Ain't that classic!

Pastor Diego then showed us some destroyed buildings from the slide. Homes, police station and a hospital, just a lot of devastation. Then we got on the bus and headed to the poorest part of Panabaj. Could it get much worse?

Yes.

We drove to a place that is simialar to a refugee camp but only permanent. The people who had lost everything made homes out of what they could and survive on nothing but the shear will to survive and the compassion of church's like Pastor Diego's. We sat on the bus while Pastor Diego talked to us about their biggest problems and needs and all the while, in the back of the bus I watched the little kids. They ran to the bus but soon lost interest as they began squirting each other with water bottles they were filling from the Govt provided water. It was a big squirt gun fight and I laughed and watched. Aren't all kids the same at heart?

What was heartbreaking was that not thirty yards from these peoples homes are rows upon rows of almost completed houses. They are only missing roofs and the Govt has fenced them off because they are still in the mudslide zone. They live in poor shacks in the mudslide zone while homes are there but not in use. My heart was so angry. They are the forgotten. They are the worthless. But not to Jesus. To him they are the jewels in the mud. And I love them. When Pasto Diego got done telling us everything we started to leave. My heart broke again. In my heart I wanted to scream "Stop the bus!" I needed to get out. I needed to touch these kids. I needed to love them like I loved the kids back at the school. But we couldn't.

Holy Discontent.

Why? Why God, had You let me go through that heartbreak when I was right there. In Mark 10 Jesus rebuked his disciples for keeping the kids from Him. He wanted to touch them and in that moment so did I. They needed it and I felt like a failure.

Christ would not stop talking to me after that. I couldn't blog and I couldn't sleep. But all through the next day He showed me His good purpose in that. He was connecting a lot of dots. Moises(Moses) and the fire in my heart(burning bush). You know how God works.

For a week God had been building one blessed day upon another. I needed my heart broken for these people.

Holy Discontent.

So what was His purpose. He was lighting a fire deep down in my heart. A burning desire to help these desperate people. I had been blessed so much this week with the people we got to meet and the work we got done that my heart was so full of joy and I think too comfortable. Christ needs a burning passion in me to help build disciples in Guatemala. Whatever that takes. He needs me to fight for these people and get them the help they need. He needed me to see with my heart that there is so much more work to be done. So they won't be forgotten. They have a passionate advocate in me and this team.
They need help!
They need land!
They need homes!
They need food and clothing!
They need scholarships to go to school!
They need love!
They need to know someone cares!
They need us!

Holy Discontent!

Don't know where this is all going but I know the direction it's going. And knowing Christ it's gonna be big.
Jesus says He will never abandon you and that's the truth. And I know He hasn't abandoned these people in Guatemala and we aren't going to either!
Lead us Lord!